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*Christmas Eve*
Bryan: “Hello?”
Oh, No!
What am I gonna do?!
I waited too long
I can’t find anything
Bryan: “What?”
David: “Sorry, Dude you've gotta help me, I can't figure out what to get my wife for Christmas.”
Bryan: “Okay, calm down man, I'll help you out. What does she normally like?”
David: “I don’t know, girl stuff I guess.”
Bryan: “Ah… okay, well you could head to the mall see if you can find something you think she'd like.”
David: “That’s a good place to start, thanks man!”
I got a crap car and not a lot a money
I just wanna find something nice for my hunny
I don’t wanna be seen as a loser chump
Giving to her some weird ugly lump
I'm so lost I have no idea
What to get as the ultimate present
Shambling
Walking
Gaining my footing
As I enter the gates of the mall
On a quest for a thoughtful gift
Bryan: “Hey, you get there yet?”
David: “Yeah, I just got here”
Bryan: “Okay well.. While your there would you mind picking up a hot candied pecan bag for me?”
David: “Uh… Alright”
Anyway, I could get her that weird smelling candle
What's it called?
Oh that's right, Badlands National Park
No, I can't stand that scent
I don't want it round
Tainting my nostrils
Looking around the center
Finding all sorts of wares
Maybe the classic fruit cake
What about a fancy gun rack
I could look around a home decor store
...nope
David: “She likes those Pop figures.”
Bryan: “There's so many of those dang things.”
David: “I know, right!”
Bryan: “What does she nerd out over?”
David: “Well...”
There’s Ducktales, Sailor Moon and Batman too
There's Blade Runner, Princesses and Five Nights too
With so many toys to get
Can it really be this hard?
To find the perfect gift
They tell me how to love her
To buy her shiny things
I really really really like this pink diamond ring
Cute cat ear headphones
I could go in another direction
Get something for myself that would also be for her
Bryan: “That sounds like a good idea, like what?”
Get a nicely tailored suit
Try on some nice gurl pants
Pic with me and Santa
What am I going to get
What am I going to give
What am I going to gift
For my
Significant
Other
Mall Loudspeaker: “The Mall is now closing, please take your final purchases to the counter and get out.”
David: “No! There’s gotta be more time!”
*Christmas Day*
Courtney: “I love you hunny bunny and I'm so happy to spend Christmas with you”
David: “Hunny… I've gotta confess… I didn't get you anything for Christmas. I couldn't find anything you'd like…”
Courtney: “Oh hunny, I couldn't find you anything either”
Courtney: “So… what'd you get your parents?”
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Crap! I forgot to get him something this year!
How fast does Amazon ship?
What do I do?
Where do I start?
Maybe this CD?
How ‘bout this color chart?
Maybe this stupid stamp so he can cover his stuff in wax bees!
No, I’ve got to go deeper
I’ve got to think smart
What was it he was saying
I should know it by heart
If only it was so easy
If I wasn’t so busy
It wouldn’t have slipped my mind
And I wouldn’t have fallen so far behind
Look, look, look, there’s got to be something
Can I have some more cream?
And an extra shot of caffeine
It would really mean a lot to me
It’s been a long day
Allison: Hey weirdo, how’s it going?
Courtney: Not awesome, I totally forgot to get my hubby something for Christmas.
Allison: Geez, why’d you wait so long?
Courtney: Well…
I had so much going on this year
Too much of people wanting their fill
Birthdays, Weddings and Baby Showers too
I totes forgot about my him
Allison: Oh! You could cook him a nice dinner!
Courtney: Yeah!
Sit him down at the table
Go to the kitchen and pull out the meal from the oven
Whisk it out gently
Place it on his plate
Then just take it to him
With a smile
On my face
Courtney: He’s not a “foodie”. He’d be totally fine if he could eat cereal for every meal.
Allison: Oh, well, that sucks… you could get him a gift card?
Gift cards, nothin’ but plastic
Don’t know what he wants, what he needs, what’ll make him complete
Rollin’ to the store, near in the front, next the checkout
Gamestop (for dem games)
Barnes and Nobles (for dem books)
I could get him a 50 dolla Starbucks card, but he’d only spend it on hot chocolate
What ‘bout a Walmart card (shop dem groceries)
Pack da bag full of dranks
Side of chips
Full of swag
Nah, these plastic cards are not the best for expressing what’s close to chest
“What are you gonna do?”
“Are you really gonna mess this up?”
“You should be able to find something he'd love”
“He's not that hard to pick for”
“You’re so stupid for forgetting this year!”
“He’s gonna hate you!”
“No he won’t”
“He loves making music!”
David: Okay hunny, I know I didn’t really get you anything last year, but THIS year I really thought outside the box. I got you the gift, of song!
Merry Christmas Hunny
Merry Christmas babe
I love you so stinkin’ much
It makes my belly ache
Courtney: Wow… Awesome. Anyway, I know how much you love music and love playing with new toys. So, I got you this foreign speak n’ spell. But, for some reason they spelled it with a ‘G’.
David: Tha… that’s a glockenspiel… but, sweet!
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Can I get a hot minute thinkin’ ’bout Mason
Sittin' at the drums ‘bout to make me crazy
What would he like to opening on Christmas day
Hoping he likes what I get him either way
I know that Halo is his favorite gaming FPS
Crushing those noobs brings him joy in great excess
He may be young and lacking in experience
But he's a cool dude despite his clumsiness
David, my beloved friend and soulmate
Why is it so hard to get you a gift you don’t hate
Like a mug that says you’re my Jr Featherweight (champion)
What’s something he would use every day
I feel like the same thing happened on his birthday
Socks are too cheesy
Food isn’t his thing
Place it in a box
Tape it all around
It’s not like it’s smallpox
This should be my playground
Complicated
Exhilarated
Anticipated
Nauseated
Can’t seem to find the right thing
For my friend the drum machine
Courtney
Teacher
Educator
Molder of young minds
Step to the side
Break it all down
I’m sure there’s something owl related
I can get for her classroom
Gotta grind it out
Make it loud
Crank it up
I know he’s got kids
I know he’s got a wife
What could I get to make his life EASIER?!
I know what I can do
I know what I can get
Craft supplies and some paper clips
Gonna MacGyver something good
That he’ll never forget
It’s all doom
Light is all gone
Missed my window
To get David something on Amazon
Why, why is it so hard to buy a gift
For a teen with some sick skill
I don’t want him to think I forgot
Every year it’s something new
Just a matter of which who
I could get him a decal that says “bands without drummers suck”
David
He’s a good brother and a friend
What could he use to see him through the bitter end
We’re at the age of practicality
And it must reek of brutality
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